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The Attraction Fantasy That is Ruining Your Relationships


Notes From the Podcast:

We’ve all heard the age-old adage that “opposites appeal to.” It’s a romantic notion that has been perpetuated in numerous rom-coms and Hallmark motion pictures.

The story goes like this: a white-collar, work-obsessed metropolis dweller meets a down-to-earth, rough-around-the-edges particular person from a small city. At first look, they appear fully unsuitable for one another, and so they don’t significantly like one another as a result of they’re opposites.

Nonetheless, they finally come collectively, undergo some ups and downs, and in the end reconcile and rekindle their love in a tumultuous journey. He’s the particular person she by no means noticed coming, the one she wasn’t actively in search of however one way or the other knew in her coronary heart that she wanted. All of it sounds fairly magical, doesn’t it? Effectively, it’s time to debunk this delusion.

 

Why it Appears that Opposites Entice

The concept opposites appeal to usually stems from a lay idea that many people maintain. We concern boredom and consider that the connection will change into monotonous if we’re too much like our accomplice. We’ve heard phrases like, “If we’re an excessive amount of alike, it’ll be boring,” or “Nobody desires to this point their clone.” This idea additionally suits properly into the thought of steadiness, with the notion that one accomplice balances out the opposite, making a yin-yang dynamic, similar to outgoing versus quiet.

 

However What About These Lengthy-Time period Relationships?

We regularly look to our grandparents as examples of {couples} who’re full opposites, but they’ve managed to remain collectively for many years. We must be asking whether or not they’re genuinely completely happy or merely tolerating one another’s variations. It’s doable to make it work by forcing your self to tolerate the disparities, however is that this actually the best state of affairs?

 

We Are Not True Opposites

Most of us have our personal “opposites appeal to” tales in {our relationships}. We consider that the parable have to be true as a result of we discover variations between ourselves and our companions. Nonetheless, we frequently fail to acknowledge that these variations are usually not true opposites however relatively completely different preferences.

 

What Opposites Imply

Think about traits like introverted versus extroverted, agreeable versus unpleasant, a desire for journey sports activities versus being a homebody, a love for the seashore versus the mountains, or being messy versus a clear freak. Whereas these variations might look like they’d result in relationship bliss, the fact is sort of the alternative. Variations usually lead to friction at finest and battle at worst.

 

Imbalance Between Males and Girls

One frequent false impression is that women and men are essentially opposites, with girls being extra open, communicative, and caring whereas males are usually not. This notion results in a problematic dynamic the place one particular person’s good traits ought to steadiness out the opposite’s dangerous traits. Searching for opposites can generally imply tolerating what try to be avoiding, and it’s essential to intention for a steadiness of masculine and female traits inside every particular person relatively than attempting to steadiness them throughout two people.

 

Boring Isn’t So Dangerous

Predictability, stability, concord, consolation, and security are important features of an enduring relationship. These parts are what can maintain a partnership for 50 years or extra.

 

The ONE Means “Opposites” Work

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The reality is that “opposites” working in a relationship isn’t about being reverse however relatively complementary. A accomplice would possibly possess traits that you just aspire to have however presently lack. For instance, in case you are tremendous conservative and predictable, you could be interested in somebody who’s extra spontaneous since you want extra carefree qualities in your life.

 

A Aspect Thought: Self-Reflection

Think about the concept you would possibly solely be interested in opposites if you don’t like who you might be as an individual. It’s value exploring why you’re drawn to those that are so completely different from you.

 

The Technique: The Golden Rule of Attraction

In the long run, the golden rule of attraction is similarity. Any particular person you’re interested in could have areas reverse to your traits, nevertheless it’s important to acknowledge that you just like them regardless of these variations.

 

Last Thought

Keep in mind that the parable of opposites attracting is simply that—a delusion. True compatibility and lasting relationships usually stem from shared values, pursuits, and related outlooks on life. Embrace the frequent floor you share along with your accomplice, and also you’ll seemingly discover a deeper connection and a extra fulfilling relationship in the long term.

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