Home Dating Over 50 Why girls after 50 really feel invisible and what to do about it

Why girls after 50 really feel invisible and what to do about it

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Why girls after 50 really feel invisible and what to do about it

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Many ladies over 50 report feeling lonely and invisible. After a few years of pondering, I’ve discovered some widespread threads as to why. I’ll provide my tips about an excellent plan of action to take your life again and emerge a visual girl.

To me, loneliness and visibility are two peas in a pod — one loops into the opposite. If you’re feeling lonely, you might be in all probability feeling invisible, even when, like me, you by no means considered your self that approach. “I really feel invisible due to my age,” is a thought on the minds of many ladies of a sure age.

I didn’t say a selected age, nor did I say all girls are confronted with this dilemma. In any case, these emotions rely upon the lady. However I’ll say this, extra girls than not, as they age, really feel lonely and invisible. Over the previous couple of years, I’ve realized that it’s a worldwide epidemic. The truth that I’ve been writing about loneliness and invisibility since not less than 2019 ought to say one thing. I hear it talked about on the nightly information not less than twice a month. As a matter of truth, WHO (The World Well being Group) simply launched a worldwide initiative to fight loneliness. This can be a real drawback!

Although I now understand what a profound drawback it’s, it had by no means crossed my thoughts till a number of years in the past. It was when an in depth girlfriend of mine stated, “I really feel invisible,” throughout an off-the-cuff focus group I held for a small group of girls over 60, that the phrase invisible grew to become a part of my vocabulary for the primary time.

Till that day virtually one 12 months in the past, my solely connection to the phrase “invisible” was Casper the Ghost. So, the phrase – and its that means – was not a thought on this seen girl’s thoughts. I’ll let you know later why I really feel seen and why the phrase invisible made such a powerful impression on me.

IS INVISIBILITY ABOUT NOT LOOKING YOUNG?

honey good looking out window holding mug and her book and not feeling lonely

Getting again to my focus group, the phrase invisible ignited a full of life dialog amongst my girlfriends who have been of their 60s and 70s. They have been faculty graduates, girls who had fascinating careers. They have been girls who have been wives or had a big different, and many ladies who had youngsters and grandchildren. I firmly consider in the necessity for girl to be concerned in teams to fight loneliness.

Many of those girls have been well-traveled and concerned in “extracurricular” actions. And but, a number of of those beautiful girls stated, “I really feel invisible!”

Why? All their solutions have been the identical, “As a result of I not ‘look’ younger.”

The day I listened to the responses of the ladies discussing their emotions, on invisibility, I stated to the group, “I consider Casper the Ghost after I consider invisible.”  I blurted this out as a result of that was my thought. Why?  As a result of I by no means equated, as I discussed, the phrase, invisible, in a human sense.

MY THOUGHTS ON FEELING LONELY AND INVISIBLE AFTER REFLECTION

Now after years of thought, I get it. A few of us really feel very invisible. Widowhood, divorce, lack of buddies, expertise social isolation, and tedium in addition to empty nester syndrome, retirement, indifference with a partner and poor well being can create the emotions of loneliness and invisibility.

When does this occur? Often after the age of fifty.

So we now have a selection darling. We are able to stay invisible Casper the Ghosts. Or we are able to, as I all the time stated to my daughters and now to my grands, in a really upbeat and quick sounding voice, “TRY, TRY, TRY!”

To at the present time I keep in mind each certainly one of their tales vividly. I keep in mind how I felt listening to them describe their emotions. I noticed them as very seen and was surprised that they noticed themselves that approach. The phrase invisible upset me.

And I say this to you who’re feeling in a funk, who’re in a rut, who’re apathetic, consider that little engine that stated, “I do know I can. I do know I can.”

DO I FEEL INVISIBLE?

Honey Good answering questions from Ask Honey about feeling lonely

Over the previous few years, in sure conditions, my thoughts confronted the phrase – invisible.

After I walked right into a restaurant with my final concierge, as we have been strolling to our desk I might say to myself, “Do I really feel invisible?”

After I was with a number of members of our household, all youthful, I’d ask myself, “Do I really feel invisible?”

After I walked into Barney’s shoe division, the place there have been youthful women ready for a salesman, I might ask myself, “Will the salesperson select to attend on the youthful girls over me? Am I invisible as a result of I’m an older girl?”

And on and on this went… to the purpose I wanted I had by no means held that focus group!

FIGHT LONELINESS AND INVISIBILITY WITH POSITIVITY AND ACTIVITY

The extra I delved into my emotions, the extra I noticed that I felt not solely seen however very seen as a result of I’m actively concerned in life. In my thoughts, emotions of loneliness and invisibility go hand and hand and one feeds into the opposite. You could spend time with others that make you’re feeling linked and you have to have the mindset to take action. In different phrases, visibility has every thing to do with a girl’s constructive and fascinating life-style. I’m of the opinion that 80 % of a girl’s magnificence is her inside magnificence, not her outer seems, nor her age.

As a visual girl, I’ve maintained a related life-style, which suggests being linked to fascinating individuals, locations and being “concerned within the now.”

My saving grace is that I put on many hats. I’m a spouse, mom, daughter, sister, girlfriend, world traveler, pupil, author and proprietor of a web based enterprise. I work at being a related girl.

And so, that is my recommendation to any girl at any age who finds herself feeling invisible: When you’re going by “an invisible passage” of life, it’s as much as you to seek out your private gateway to feeling seen.

INVISIBILITY IS NOT AGE RELATED

Loneliness is a public health crisis and we must take action to combat it, Honey Good

Chances are you’ll assume that you’re alone in your loneliness however there are a lot of on the market who really feel as you do.

Right here is the true story of a girlfriend who had lived her total life in New York. She was a metropolis lady. She was married, had 4 youngsters and owned a small newspaper. Sooner or later as she was strolling down fifth Avenue, out of the blue she stated to herself, “I really feel invisible.” She decided it was age-related.

She went dwelling, advised her husband she felt invisible and collectively they made a plan to maneuver to a neighborhood with an older inhabitants. She moved throughout America to Rancho Mirage, California. She and her husband started life anew. That was twenty years in the past. She is now in her higher 80s and as seen right now as she was within the thirties. She leads a beautiful life as a spouse, girlfriend and jewellery designer.

When you’re emotionally fulfilled, you develop into a visual girl. You are feeling your step has a bounce and your laughter is contagious. You stand erect with nice posture, along with your head held excessive. And you recognize you might be revered by your husband, your loved ones and your friends who see your relevancy, not your seems.

HOW TO GET STARTED ON YOUR PATH TO VISIBILITY

I consider we are able to all be extra seen, important and related within the second halves of our lives. Listed here are some concepts to get you began in your path to feeling seen.

Spend time alone.

Preserve a journal. Be taught to like the quiet of the day with nothing however your personal firm. Why? As a result of it offers you time to discover your emotions. Query your self, your motivations and your reactions to your experiences. I’m not telling you to develop into a recluse or to hunt social isolation. I’m explaining the significance of taking time to be alone and to be okay with it.

Take extra dangers.

Cease being caught up to now. You’ll really feel higher shifting ahead.  Delve into one thing you’ve got wished to perform.

No self-pity.

Don’t enable your previous regrets to saddle you to your previous. You need to transfer ahead not backward.

Hunt down like-minded individuals who study and evolve.

Select to spend your time with girls who lead related lives, see themselves as seen, and domesticate significant connections. Their attitudes will rub off on you.

Discover and journey.

In case you stay within the state of Illinois, you may drive to Abraham Lincoln’s library. Not pricey, however this little journey will show fruitful. I visited my highschool buddies in Kankakee by the Sea. We had lunch. I left with new info, completely happy as might be and can return this summer time to reconnect. Or you could possibly journey the US with a gaggle of girls (I’m inviting girls such as you to journey with me subsequent 12 months!)

Need.

Open your self as much as self-awareness and form your goals into actuality.

Be a lifelong learner.

I as soon as did a two-day seminar within the Artwork of Negotiation as a result of I wished to discover ways to deal with enterprise and household interplay. Not solely was I used to be one of many solely girls within the class and I may have been most of the members’ grandmother! After all I observed that I used to be older than many of the younger individuals there, however I felt related, darling. Studying and studying is energy and energy could be very uplifting. I used to be residing within the now and I felt invigorated with my new information which in flip made me really feel like a really seen girl.

Select a brand new interest or exercise.

If you’re an avid reader, why not go to your native library and meet the librarian and ask what’s going on? See if there’s a place so that you can assist youngsters within the youngsters’s division or you may take into account taking courses arrange by the library employees.

If that doesn’t sound like one thing you’d take pleasure in, look into native teams, volunteering and even job alternatives! I started writing in my sixties and I very a lot take pleasure in working on daily basis. It offers me function and I’m blessed as a result of I selected a profession (or slightly, it picked me!) that connects me with different girls with the most of the identical objectives and needs.

AGING WELL AND STAYING VISIBLE IS ALL ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE

Your life-style will likely be decided by your perspective. Your visibility will likely be decided by your relevance. Keep in mind it’s your inside ideas that can offer you visibility.

Once you discover one thing that brings you function, a cause to place your purple lipstick on and blowdry your hair (examine my latest obsession) and get out of the door. A cause to talk to and genuinely join with others, you’ll really feel your relevancy and visibility mild you up.

It might be that you just’ve outgrown a number of the buddies you’ve got and also you’re in a brand new stage in life. Earlier than the age of fifty, girls are in sync with each other. They lead comparable life and have comparable routines. My buddy Joyce says that she reinvents herself each 10 years, and I’ve come to assume that all of us do. Is it time to reinvent your self? Learn extra on develop into new friendships after 50, right here.

ARE YOU READY FOR A SHIFT?

I’ll go away you with this: If you wish to change what’s “seen,” begin with the “invisible”. The important thing to feeling related, necessary, and valued lies inside you. I see very clearly that there’s a lot it’s a must to provide the world. Do you?

Do you’re feeling lonely or invisible in your 50s, 60s, or 70s? What have you ever completed to make a shift to develop into a visual, related girl? What do you discover and admire about seen, related girls? Please be part of the dialog within the feedback.

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